As if recording an album, getting a band together and gigging weren't enough to fry the brain, another talent any self respecting musician these days needs is to have web skills! Well, I'm learning fast and this is all tentative to say the least but here's the start of the Ben Kelly blog and website.........watch this space!
Know that She appears appears as song 7 on my Sunny Side Down album.
It was written in the small hours when i was half asleep, half awake and in that place where the mind dishackles itself from the day's pressures and begins to roam freely.
I've often found when in this state that i have know control over where my mind is heading or what it will unearth to bring back to me. I can rarely block what comes next and often find it best to go with the flow. I like the small hours its a good time to write.
Know That She is reflective song based on a long since passed relationship that lasted ten years. You could say we were joined at the hip for most of it but with london life never likely to make things easy for us when it came to finding an affordable rent, the relationship was bound to feel the strain somewhere along the line. In the early days we were happy enough but forever on the move thanks to leeching landlords and random rent rises. I had originally sighted this constant movement and financial struggle as the reason for our and indeed her sudden departure without explanation as i slept one cold November morning. However
back in the small hours and with the benefit of the passing years allowing me to see things alot clearer other stuff started started to surface.
My own shortcomings at the time began to arise and Know That She began to be born. I started remembering things in clear images, I began to see pivotal points, places, dates and times where I'd neglected to ask how she was feeling. Then as each year fell into the next I'd rarely compliment her on the way that she looked or notice the sadness in her eyes that said i just can't do this anymore. She new I loved her but looking back I doubt she rarely felt loved. It quickly began to dawn on me that the me of old had given her every reason to fall out of love with me because In short i fucked up, got complacent, took us forgranted and completely missed those glaring signs of total unhappiness.
I'd grown up a lot since then and at the time of writing this song and gone through a lot of personal changes. For starters I'd found out who i was, acknowledged my shortcomings and learned by my mistakes. I left what is essentially good about me at the core of my being but threw out the rest.
So I got to thinking had I been the way I am now in those pivotal moments during that relationship instead of disappearing up my own backside would i have been so blind? I think not. Would i have seen her side? most definately. Would we be together now? Who knows we were young and may have naturally ran our course anyway. The last I heard she was happy and doing well. I'm happily married having found my soulmate and loving every minute of it. I've always been big enough to admit when I get it wrong this being one such time. My only regret is that I didn't see it coming.
I would now
"Know that She
comes into my mind.
That's where I visit her
And bring us back to life.
If me now
could have been me then
We would be stronger now
than we had ever been
We would be stronger now
Than we had ever been"
It's a very simple tune with a simple sentiment. It's also the track that convinced the guy who produced the album that I was worth taking a punt on.
Know That She appears on Sunny Side Down by Ben Kelly & The Mighty Bern
Order your copy today at Benkellymusic.com or download it from Amazon or iTunes price £7.00